SO grateful

We have so much help. I think I’ve mentioned it before. I hope I have. I know I have when I talk to people and they ask how we manage being new parents with twins no less. I often reply with, “I’m not sure we know how to be new parents… fully”. When both boys were in the hospital we had TONS of help and guidance from the wonderful staff at the RNICU. Then when Simon came home both Grandma’s were there on a moments notice if needed, and most times just knew to be there. Mostly for comfort for me, I think.

At first when Elliott came home, the first couple nights we had both babies we’d wake up and I’d look at Barry and say “what are we going to do?!” I was terrified that we’d never sleep again, wouldn’t be giving the right one the right thing at the right time. He’d look at me and simply say “we’re doing it…” It didn’t take long for me to realize he was right once again, we just had to do it, and we were.

But really I suppose I always knew that when we needed advice or a nap, someone would be there. When I went back to work, the Grandma’s stepped in and covered the whole week, while the boys were still gaining immune systems and we were waiting out the dreaded cold and flu season. Then when they went to daycare, we had the benefit of still having Grandma’s at the house every week. You see, they don’t just watch babies, they do dishes… and laundry… and pictures… and are so hands on, you wouldn’t believe. So much so that I almost start with anxiety when Wednesday rolls around and I know we have four whole days when we’re on our own (as if any of the grandparents wouldn’t come running if we needed)! How will we manage, do we know what to do?!? Do we know how to be parents? Can we take care of a household?

Then we have a night like last night. All four of us, just the four of us, lay on the floor; talking, laughing, goo-ing and gaga-ing, rolling, playing, and resting. The bottles got washed, the babies got fed, and they even had baths. The laundry stayed in the dryer to be folded later, mom and dad ate separately, and we managed. We had fun. So while I’m ridiculously grateful for the help we have, I relish in rolling on the floor, with just the four of us!

I also have to add, our boys are surrounded by so much love - I’m astounded by it literally almost everyday. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention a few others than their grandma’s! I think there’s been 3, maybe 4 weekends that Papa Maier has missed visiting with the boys; their GG makes sure to see them at least once a month (and I’m sure that Great Uncle Terry and Great Aunt Sandy aren’t far behind that); and of course their cousin Jackson, although he doesn’t get to decide on when he visits, he always showers the babies with attention and love… and fun! Not to mention all the other family and friends that are always asking about how they're doing, even if they can't visit; like Grandpa Cook and Great Aunt Terri. We're so lucky, and our boys are even luckier!

Half Birthday!

I had this written a month ago, but I wanted to add the pictures. Then the computer I've been using quit working, so my lovely husband brought home a brand new (bigger) one, I've loaded pictures so now I'm posting!

Whew, what a weekend! The boys got threw another two days of daycare, seemingly unscathed. Elliott showed his true colors and had to get a new outfit… twice. Simon fell asleep at about 6 Friday night after I got them home, and beside two bottles, slept until the next morning!

I was still recovering from a head cold, and Barry came home Friday afternoon not feeling well. Of course he had something completely different than I did. By Saturday afternoon I had to cuthim off from the boys, finally realizing how bad he was. I was glad I had called off the “half birthday party” I had planned for Saturday afternoon. Barry and I had taken turns taking naps up to that point.

Unlike my previous post, I was bound and determined we were goingto have “half cakes” to celebrate. Truth is when I made them Thursday night I fully intended to have the party. Since they were alreadymade I figured I had to frost them, what’s a cake without frosting?!? And by the time that was doneand they didn’t turn out (I promise boys, I’ll order cakesfor your 1^st bday!) it didn’t matter much what the writing on them looked like…

So when my dad came over Sunday afternoon (the first company we had all weekend) I quick wrote on them for photo opps!

Here they are with Papa and Grammy (who had arrived for her sitting duties the next day)

So now they have pictures for their scrapbooks and something they can torment me with when I’m old and gray… ah, memories!

Visions

I always have these “visions” of the way things are “supposed to be”. They rarely go that way, even before kids, but now especially. You know, the kind like Laura Ingalls and family running through the tall grass, all smiles… Or a picnic under the "old oak tree" in the middle of "the field"

I had visions of our family of four being outside together; the boys in their bouncies and mom and dad getting yard work done.

I had visions of getting their 6 month pictures taken and capturing those angelic faces on film so we could capture them perfectly, at this age.

I had visions of dressing them up in American flag shirts and having them hold flags, sitting by the flag outside, getting a couple more pictures.

It was our first holiday weekend together, just the four of us. We had been alone for the first time since we went back to work, during the week. We survived two days of daycare and no Grandma and no Grammy. Just the four of us. We were going to get things done around the house, venture out a little…

It only barely went that way… maybe ¼ that way.

We were outside for about 45 minutes. I had it planned; we were going to work around the house according to the shade. We made it through one side. I went inside with the boys and Barry stayed outside and worked alone.

Of course they didn’t both smile at the same time for pictures, they were both tired, Elliott pooped up his back (after we were done, thankfully, but later he threw up twice) and the sales person did an awful job helping us pick sizes, poses, etc. Of course they’re cute – they’re pictures of our boys; just not what was in my head.

Yesterday, Memorial Day, was full of occupying babies so that they weren’t both screaming at the same time. It w as probably a mix of being at daycare for two days, being outside the next, pictures after that and generally not feeling well… but they weren’t happy most of the day. Luckily Elliott only threw up once - in the morning, and Simon’s nose had quit spouting after EVERY sneeze, maybe every third. We did put the flag out, for about 2-3 hours before it started raining.

This is Elliott after pictures, passed out with Grandma

This is how tired Simon was after pictures - the next morning

It very well could have been that they are teething… WHAT?!?! My babies are teething? They’re babies!! HOW is that possible?

OK, stop with the visions… live in the moment. Keep what you have instead of imaging what you think you want. They’re already 6 months old. WHAT?! You ALWAYS hear people say that it goes so fast, you can’t imagine it. We heard it A LOT, from EVERYONE. But you CAN NOT IMAGINE, you can not explain how impossibly fast time goes.

Elliott and Simon are half a year old, already!! When I look back to that time in the dead of winter, what now feels like we could have been thrown into some sort of strange universe - recovering from surgery, being mom to two brand new babies, traveling back and forth between our new house and the hospital for two long months – it seems like a lifetime ago, already! So much has happened, they change every single day, and at some points I might have wished things had gone a little differently, but for the most part I wouldn’t change a thing! We aren’t running through tall grass, but what we are doing is somehow ;) much, much better!

Visions are nice, but I’m saving them for my nighttime dreams.

We're back! For a minute anyway...

Now this is silly, I haven't written here because there's SO much to catch you all up on... but then there's so much that isn't written because I'm waiting to catch you up... falling farther behind. I hope I remember most of the things I want to write here and actually do it some day, but for now you'll have to start in the middle. I'm not going to miss anymore!

Today is the boys first day at daycare... I dreaded it. And honestly the part I dreaded worst was trying to figure it out logistically. How in the world were we going to get ready, get both boys ready, fed, take them to daycare and still get to work on time?! I will catch you up on this part... we've been incredibly spoiled! They're just starting daycare now because we didn't want to expose them to too many germs during cold and flu season. They were born in December, peak cold and flu season. They're were two months premature so they're especially susceptible to RSV which can be very dangerous for babies. Now here's the spoiled part... both of their Grandma's have been watching them, at our house for the past 3 1/2 months! They come to us! The Grandpa's have given up their wives for the better part of weeks so that they can help take care of our family! We have no idea what it takes to get out of the house... we've done it for doctors appointments and a couple family gatherings, we even made it over night, once. But to do it and be gone all day, for us to be gone from them all day, how do we do that?! I think that last part is key. No one knows babies like their parents, and in our case, like their Grandma's too. How do we get them ready for complete strangers to take care of? What if Elliott needs to be rocked and they don't know to do it? What if Simon needs to be cuddled, and they don't do it right? If I'm so worried about all this, how come I didn't cry when I left? Or all the way to work?It hit me like a ton of bricks when I was envisioning how my day would go until I pick them up. I was thinking of what I would say when I called (because I was most certainly going to) - "Hi, this is Simon and Elliott Cook's mom, Beth" - verbatim of what I said when I called the NICU 2/3 times a day in December and January. This isn't new to them. Yes, they are used to us, and our routine, but they'll adapt. Just like they have from the time they were born. I think for this point though, the more important thing for me to remember is that this isn't new to me either, as a new mom I had to learn immediately what it was like to leave my babies in the hands of complete strangers. I learned that even though I didn't always like what was happening, I knew that they were well cared for.

And the bottom line now, is that I know they'll be well cared for at daycare too.

I know that ALL those germs they're being exposed to now, is somehow better for them in the long run.

I know that making bonds with new people is important for their development. They're making friends now that they could possibly have through elementary school, middle school maybe even high school.

I know that tonight will probably be a long, cranky night from so much 'newness'.

I also know that because I know these things, I'm doing the best that I can for them - the best I know how.

Not too bad looking for being up so early (and in the middle of the night - Elliott decided he was hungry, which is unusual - of course!)

So, we were up at 5:45, we both showered, the boys were fed and dressed. We took a diaper bag full of things I'm sure they won't even begin to need half of. We took more than enough bottles. Barry was able to go with us for their first day too; so they had Mom, Dad and Grandma to wish them well on their first day. They didn't even seem to notice. They did notice that even though they had toys in their hands there were a WHOLE lot more in the basket next to them!

Hey Dad, what are these things? Where are we anyway?

Never mind - TOYS!

It's OK Mom, we'll be fine!

I just called: I got it a little backwards - "Hi, this is Beth Cook, Simon and Elliott's mom..." They're doing fine, eating well. Simon hadn't slept much, catnaps here and there. Elliott was still sleeping, had been for almost 2 hours! Tonight should be interesting!



I'm also going to post a couple unfinished posts that I wrote way back and saved as drafts, thinking I'd go back and edit and/or finish them. No time now, you get what you get!

TWINS! Our journey to finding out about TWO at once!

I was going to document every single step of our journey - I didn't get very far, but you may as well be privy to at least this much ;)


Getting Started

There's not much to say here, thankfully, as much as I was worried (only because that's what I do, is worry) I thought we'd have all kinds of problems "trying". But Barry and I had thought about March - just after our "baby - moon" to Costa Rica (which was wonderful and still WILL BE POSTED some day!) - okay lets see what happens when we don't prevent and not necessarily "try" (which I was trying to tell myself to take some self-induced pressure off), which only lasted about 3 months before we figured it out!

Finding Out

I had a routine doctor appointment scheduled for Tuesday May 19th. Barry was scheduled to work late that night so he was going in late - which meant he was home while I was getting ready. I thought, hmm, I have tests, I don't think so, but he's here, I don't want to be surprised at the doctor and then have to wait until 9 pm or so before I can tell him... if it's positive. So I took a test and almost immediately is started showing two pink lines - positive. I stared at it for a while and then said "Uh honey, you wanna come look at this?" completely shaking. Here I had prepared myself for at least 6 months of worry and trying and... OMG... we work! The second pink line was fading in and out a bit because it hadn't been the full recommneded time so Barry says "that one is kind of light... what does that mean?" I told him that when one of these tests was wrong it was almost always a false negative... not a false positive, we were pregnant. Unbenonced to me he went to work that day not assuming we were. My doctor appointment got canceled and rescheduled for the next day - I then found out the next day that they don't do pregnancy tests in the office anyway. That night I picked up another test that says "PREGNANT" of "NOT PREGNANT", clearly. I had sent a picture to Barry but he hadn't seen it before I talked to him. He said he was glad that he heard it from me over the phone instead of from a picture... I figured he'd know all day - I did?!? ;) (This is my post, he can retract anything on his own post, but this is how I remember it). I went to the doctor the next day and they drew blood to confirm. We left for a road trip to GA with my parents the next day, but I was able to get the call to confirm, yup, pregnant :)

Original draft post date and time: 8/17/09 2:54PM

Just over a year ago...

... we found out we were pregnant! This is from that day...

I’m sitting here at my desk in dis-belief. I took a home test this morning that had two pink lines, meaning pregnant. Barry looked at it and said “it’s not that pink…” ;) Poor guy! He's got a lot to learn, and it's going to happen pretty quickly! I took the test this morning because I have my yearly physical with the doc today, and going into it I wasn’t sure if I’d be newly pregnant or menstruating… I knew if I found out at the doctors I’d freak out a little, we had the tests at home, Barry was home with me since he was going in late since he’ll have to stay late, I figured I’d just see. I hadn’t felt different at all. Until I knew… now I’m hot and nauseous… yeah, I know, it’s going to be a long 9 months!

Original draft post date and time: 5/19/09 9:42 AM

Schmed Rest

In other news of wild life-changing events, I bring you a post dictated by my honeypie!

So I said I was going to update you after appointments - well, this appointment was not without (what do I want to say...) adventure? The ultrasound tech at my regular doctor's visit measured my cervical length and it had shortened further, so when I saw the doctor, she took me off work and wanted me to go to Ingham Labor and Delivery to get things checked out, make sure I wasn't contracting, et cetera. Barry wasn't able to go this time, but luckily, I was able to talk my mom into going, so she was there to help me keep it together while I let them know at work. (Most of you know that I've really been hoping not to have to go on bed rest so that I can spend as much time with the boys afterward as possible. Now that I'm here, I know I'm doing what's best for all of us, and it will all work out regardless.)

Of course, they were very understanding at work, so we headed over to Ingham. Luckily, we stopped for a Whopper on the way which ended up being the only thing I had to eat for almost 24 hours! I spent about two hours at Ingham before they decided that my cervix was short enough that pre-term labor was a real possibility, and I had to be sent to Sparrow (where they have a NICU).

The ride to Sparrow was something I've never experienced before and hope to never experience again. The ambulance drivers were a couple of characters, which made it easier to deal with. They had the lights and sirens going the whole way - they called it the green light express. Luckily, Barry was able to get to Lansing on time to meet me at Ingham, so he knew what was happening and was able to meet us there when we got to Sparrow.

At Ingham, they had started me on a magnesium drip to prevent labor which they continued at Sparrow (and is also the reason I couldn't have anything to eat). Barry stayed with me until about 11:30 or so, and we thought I'd try to get some sleep (ha ha). Between the blood pressure cuff inflating every hour, the catheter being uncomfortable, and a painful IV, that's the longest night I've spent in a long time.

I was just barely waking up this morning meeting my new nurse when the high-risk doctor at Sparrow came in to talk to me about my options. He thought that because my cervix was the problem and not that my body wanted to go into labor, he thought a cerclage was the best option. Even though they aren't normally performed after 22 weeks, we decided this was the best way to keep the babies in there as long as possible. I should mention that this whole time, both boys look great and seem to be measuring just the right size, if not a week or two bigger!

So now, here I sit, on bed rest in Sparrow, as I dictate this to Barry, because of course, he's been by my side all day, doing whatever he can to make me comfortable. [And so handsome, too! -bcc] The doctor thought I might be able to go home to bed rest Monday at the earliest, so if anything changes between now and then, I'll have Barry update the blog to let you all know.